Cabin Fever
by dArkliTe-sPirit
Summary: Team Lightyear crashes onto an unknown planet. Needless to say, even the four best friends can't stand to be together for so long. Sorry for any OOCness


...I was under the afluence of incohol, downloaded BLoSC episodes, and _Muppet Treasure Island_ when I wrote this. I own nothing except for the weird alien at the end. And you wouldn't want to sue for her._  
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* * *

_Buzz Lightyear Mission Report: Star Date June 16_

_Finally, we're back at Star Command. Good thing, too. I don't think it would've been much longer before I started to be, ah, affected. Mira, as far as I can tell, was only mildly, if at all, affected, so she'll be fine. Booster and XR, though…it may be a while for them. They had been affected very badly, with XR being the first to catch it. I'm talking about the worst thing a Space Ranger can get._

_Cabin fever._

_It started about two weeks ago. We were doing routine traffic patrol…_

---

Team Lightyear patrolled the Gamma Sector, Quadrant Four. It was one of those more-or-less deserted areas with only one small deserted planet, one were few people came to – except smugglers. According to reports, the smugglers were very dangerous space pirates, ones who had been known to kill any fool who got in their way. Were it not for that fact, someone else like Ty Parsec might've been sent. But considering the reports, Commander Nebula chose to send Buzz and his team instead.

So far, it had been very dull. Six hours had passed. Except for Buzz, ever vigilant, everyone was half-asleep (or, in Booster's case, already asleep).

"Buzz, are you sure we're in the right spot?" Mira asked, for what was probably the sixth time. XR mumbled something about Mira being too loud.

"I'm sure of it, Mira. When those space pirates come, we'll get them," Buzz replied, never once looking at his teammate. After all, if he took his eyes off the windshield …well, who knew how sneaky these pirates were? They couldn't afford to lose them.

"But-" Mira was interrupted as something jolted the ship, knocking down XR and waking up Booster. The lights flickered on and off, the computers making erratic noises. "What the craters?" The ship jolted, making an ominous groaning sound.

"XR, what's going on?" Buzz demanded. The robot ranger pulled out a cord and quickly plugged himself in, trying to hack into the ship's mainframe.

"Um, Buzz, we got a couple major problems- YEOWCH!" He didn't finish his sentence, electricity suddenly coursing back through the cord. The ship seemed to do a nosedive, gravity suddenly kicking in. A bronze-colored ground replaced the scenery of space as they hurtled downwards. Finally, the lights died and the computers went blank. There was a loud crashing sound, accompanied by an even bigger jolt than before. They had finally crash-landed. The robot groaned, slumping against the wall.

"What –what happened?" Booster asked, worried. Something flew far above them in the sky, retracting what appeared to be a large gun. Buzz instantly understood: the space pirates had shot them with something that shut off the power. They had seen them and decided it'd be wiser not to risk confrontation.

"XR, status report?" the captain asked, unbuckling. He had a nasty feeling they wouldn't be going anywhere. Mira too unbuckled, getting up. It felt good to finally stretch her legs. XR mumbled something incoherent that sounded strangely like "Oil check", then weakly attempted to pull out the cord that connected him to the ship. His eyes dimmed, as though his power was being drained.

"Oh, I'll get that," Booster said, getting up from his seat and pulling the plug out, also yanking up XR in the process. The little robot yelped painfully; the cord really wasn't meant to be pulled on that hard.

"XR, status report?" Buzz repeated, a hint of concern in his voice. His teammate looked quite disoriented and seemed to have a hard time figuring out where Buzz was. He didn't even seem to realize that Booster was now holding him up by a power cord, something that was normally very painful.

"We can ask later, I guess," Mira said, running to the sealed cockpit door. "I'll be right back." With that, she ghosted through. Though there was no apparent reason to be worried, both Buzz and Booster waited anxiously for either XR to recover or for Mira to return – whichever came first.

After a few brief conversations, mainly involving Buzz going over his more favorite adventures, Mira ghosted back through the door. "The crystallic fusion engine looks like it's busted. Some of the doors work, but I don't think they'll work for much longer; I left them all open." Buzz mentally swore. They were stranded.

"I'll call Star Command, get someone to pick us up," he decided. After all, with no apparent power source (XR didn't count), they couldn't get back all by themselves. They were too far out. As he got up, a familiar voice said, "Don't bother."

Booster, Mira, and Buzz looked at XR as the little robot groggily sat up, apparently still having some trouble seeing straight. "Don't- XR, we have to call in! Star-" Mira started, shocked by his apparent pessimism.

"Whatever those space pirates shot us with has jammed all signals, in or out. We can't call anyone. Oh, and guys, I case you were thinking that Commander Nebula will notice and send people out here, you're dead wrong."

"Wha-" Buzz couldn't believe his ears. Except for the incident with the AFD, XR had never been so negative.

"Buzz – we're in the Epsilon sector. WAY off course." He glared at their captain, one hand twitching slightly. "How did you get us lost?"

"Excuse me, XR, you and Booster monitor where we're going. If anything, this is your fault."

"MY fault? So, anytime something goes wrong, it's always the robot's fault, isn't it? Ever think maybe you just weren't paying attention? That you aren't Mr. Perfect?" Mira and Booster looked nervously at the seething XR and Buzz. Though they had rows in the past, this one seemed a little more…serious.

"Wha- Why I oughta report you for insubordination, ranger!"

"Yeah, if we ever get BACK!" XR crossed his arms. Bad enough to be stranded out here, electrocuted, with pieces of unfamiliar data running through his circuits, but now Buzz wasn't even taking any responsibility! This was his fault!

"You be quiet right now, XR, or I'll-"

"What? We're trapped in the middle of nowhere because of you!" At that, Buzz finally snapped. XR was being snippy and rebellious for no reason, and would not shut up. He couldn't take it any more.

"That's it, it's go time!"

"Yeah, let's see who better: man or machine." The two rangers growled, each ready to fight. Booster whimpered. He didn't want either of them to be hurt, but he didn't know what to do. Though he practically worshipped Buzz, XR was a very close friend, and siding with Buzz could really hurt his feelings. Mira, though, was fed up.

"Will both of you just SHUT UP?" XR and Buzz looked at Mira, their fight momentarily forgotten. When Mira was mad, they knew it was a bad idea to ignore her. Mira continued, "Look, it doesn't matter whose fault it is that we're out here, it's the pirates' fault that we're stranded. We're gonna be here for a while, so you might as well just calm down and stop fighting. Now SIT."

The two males looked at each other hesitantly and then sat down. She was right. They probably would be here for a while. If they couldn't even go maybe an hour without fighting, then their chances of survival were slim. Besides, they could normally get along. What made this so different?

There was an uncomfortable silence. Finally, Booster asked. "Um…can we get out of here? It's starting to get a little warm."

---

_After that brief incident, we left the cockpit, and assigned rooms and duties. XR was chosen to distribute our rations since he was the only one who could be trusted not to eat anything. Booster, of course, had to try and keep the ship neat (which he occasionally used XR for). Mira and I alternated between lookouts and mechanics. XR, of course, helped. During the day, when we weren't working on the ship, we were trying to set up a telecommunications station (that never worked, no matter what we did, for some odd reason). Every night, we'd play a card game of some sort to try and keep our minds off our conditions. This worked well for about two weeks._

_It wasn't until after the ship was fixed that I learned that XR had (most likely) accidentally downloaded a large chunk of information. That, combined with his multiple duties and his natural personality, might have contributed to his cabin fever._

_I must say, I never would've guessed a robot could catch cabin fever…_

---

"XR? XR, where are you?" Booster asked. He hadn't seen the robot ranger in a few hours and he was rather worried. It wasn't quite like XR to hide from Booster, not unless he did something very wrong. Even when working with Buzz and Mira, he usually slipped out to say hi.

Booster passed by a closed room and heard an odd noise. He stopped and looked at the door's lock again. It was lit up, green. The door was still working? Most of them had shut down. He pressed the button, opening the door. "XR? WHOA!"

He ducked as something metallic swung overhead, laughing hysterically. Booster looked up and saw XR clinging to a pipe, Mira's blue towel tied around his neck area. "XR, what's going on?" he demanded, perplexed by his friend's behavior. The demented grin told him all.

"I'm not XR, I'm Batman! Batman!" He activated his jetpack and flew out over Booster's head out the room, a whoop of joy echoing in the long hallway. The Jo-Adian stared at him incredulously, then shook his head. Perhaps he could pretend he hadn't seen that. He walked out of the room.

"Oof!" Judging by the voice, Buzz had collided with him. Booster was slightly knocked off-balance, but otherwise fine.

"Booster, there you are," Buzz said, getting up and brushing himself off. "Booster, have you seen XR?"

"Well…" Booster grinned nervously. Here, telling the truth and telling a lie were both bad choices. Buzz arched an eyebrow.

"Booster, where is he?"

"Well…he's acting a little…weird. Why do you need him?"

"…weird?" Buzz looked at Booster in confusion. "Booster, what are you talking about? He always acts a little 'weird'."

"Not like this…I'll show you."

---

It took a while but Booster and Buzz finally located XR in the cockpit, pretending to steer the star cruiser and making engine noises. Booster looked at Buzz and shook his head no. Buzz just shrugged and approached the little robot, still sitting in his seat. He now saw his 'cape'. "Um, XR?"

"I'm not XR, I'm- " XR turned around and his eyes widened. "AAAAH! IT'S THE JOKER! BACK! BACK!"

"XR, this isn't funny, so quit it!"

"I'm not XR, I'm Batman!"

"Fine, Batman," Buzz responded, rolling his eyes. Out of all of XR's stupid jokes, this had to be the stupidest. "Mira and I need you-"

"I'll never help you, Joker! NEVER!" He started giggling insanely. Buzz raised his eyebrow even higher. Perhaps things had started to get to him.

"XR, are you feeling ok?" XR paused, looking slightly disoriented.

"Actually, I don't feel so good – hey, lookit all the moving stars! I wanna catch one!" He stared out the cockpit window at the sky, looking like a kid on Christmas morning. It wouldn't have been weird – except the stars weren't moving at all. Buzz raised an eyebrow. That confirmed his suspicious.

XR has caught cabin fever.

"Booster, will you help me get XR to his room?" he said, grabbing arm of the distracted robot. That seemed to snap XR back to attention (per se).

"No, no! Back, BACK I say! Geoff me, Joker! OFF!" Booster sighed, running to grab the little robot's other arm (which he was using to try and pry Buzz off). Suddenly, he had a feeling that everything was going to get worse.

"I DEMAND TO SEE THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS!"

---

_After several attempts and eventually shutting down XR, we managed to get him into a room and lock the door. As we passed by later, though, we could hear XR, still ranting about getting 'the idiot who wrote this'. I'll have to ask the LGMs how he turned himself back on. And I'll have to ask him what the heck he was talking about._

_Anyhow, for the next few days, everything was a little harder. Still, we managed. I should've remembered though: once cabin fever comes on board, it can't be contained. It spreads like wildfire._

_Its next victim, five days later? Booster._

---

Buzz was doing a routine food inventory. With no guard, they had to trust each other to pass out rations and not steal any. Even so, Buzz found himself suspicious of Booster and Mira. He had a feeling they were suspicious of him too, but he didn't care. As long as no food went inexplicably missing on his watch, he was ok.

"…and nine containers of the turkey paste," Buzz muttered, putting a check next to the item on his list. Nothing so far was missing without reason. He placed the pen back into the clip and went back to the entrance of the food storage room. No one had tried to steal anything yet. He leaned against the doorway, wondering how Mira was doing with the engine.

Something zoomed past, attached to a cord. Buzz managed to get a good glimpse, and rubbed his eyes. No, Booster was still there, riding on the ship's Atomic Buffer. He watched for a few seconds before yanking on the cord, pulling it from its electric socket. He knew this only because the buffer shut off and Booster fell off, shaking the ground as he did so. "Booster, what was that all about?"

"Aw, I'm sorry, Buzz, but I was so bored, y'know, since we can't talk to XR anymore," Booster said, rubbing the back of his head-neck area. Buzz sighed.

"Remember, it was for his own good – and for the good of the rest of us." Booster suddenly seemed surprised.

"Um, Buzz?"

"Yes, rookie?"

"Do you know what happened to the freeze-dried spaghetti?"

"We had freeze-dried spaghetti?" Buzz couldn't help but feel confused. There wasn't a single time he ever saw it during inventory. Then he remembered. "Booster, we finished it off the last time we were doing a stakeout."

"No, I saw it earlier."

"When was that, exactly?"

"Yesterday." Buzz frowned. Booster didn't pass out rations yesterday. When did he get a look at their supplies?

"Booster, maybe you imagined it."

"So you're saying I'm a liar?"

"No, no. I'm just saying maybe you-"

"But, Buzz, I'm not a liar!"

"I know, Booster, I know." Buzz sighed, trying to figure out how to calm Booster down. Why was he overreacting anyways? That was usually XR's job. "Look, maybe you should take a break, lie down or something."

"You won't take my food, will you?"

"What?"

"I think people have been taking my food."

"Booster, I swear, Mira and I haven't been taking your food."

"Hey, I didn't say you guys did." Now Buzz was really confused, and suddenly very worried.

"Booster, please lie down."

---

_Not two hours later, I heard Booster talking to himself and XR (who kept calling him "Robin"; who are these people anyways?). It started to feel a lot like the prison block back at Star Command – most criminals there appear insane as well._

_Mira and I were the only ones left. Then, we had a stroke of luck._

---

Mira sighed, tapping the computer at the telecommunications station. It was almost five weeks now. No one had found them, they couldn't send any messages, and XR and Booster were acting positively crazy.

Buzz approached Mira. "Anything picked up yet, Mira?" Mira looked up, about to shake her head no. Her expression suddenly brightened.

"I'll do you one better: I see a ship." She pointed skyward to a ship descending, painted with neon orange and hot pink. "Talk about eyesores, though…" Buzz nodded, pulling Mira behind a large rock so they could observe unnoticed. The ship landed, and some strange species of alien came out, about XR's size.

Buzz was about to go out, ask for assistance, when a new ship landed. This one was mint green; he recognized it. "Mira, that's the ship that shot us down!"

"Slimeball-" Mira stopped as a creature exited. It was about half her height, with large amber eyes, a mechanical arm, antlers, and long red fur growing from her ears. "Wow."

"What?"

"I've seen her on Capital Planet before. She's a bodyguard for one of the Senators!" Buzz groaned. A Senator's bodyguard helping space pirates. A bad situation to be in. Still…

---

The small creature handed the other creature a package. The other creature went back on its ship, taking off as she flipped through the wad of Unibucks. She already knew that it was the right amount; she just liked the smell of money. It was always different, always new.

Something grabbed her robotic arm. She groaned, trying her best to remember English - pretty much the universal language. "Seesh, who're you and whaddaya want?" She turned to see someone in a Star Command spacesuit. "Oh…how cans'i help you, officer…person?" She waved her organic hand amicably.

"Excuse me, but you're under arrest for space-pirating." She widened her eyes and coughed.

"Ah…do I know you?"

"Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear of Star Command."

"Never heard." She chuckled as his face fell. Someone emerged at his side – a Tangean, she guessed, by the blue skin. Her hand was out, her laser pointed at her. She raised her hands.

"By Xyzkri, you'd think I be a spree killer! Lighten it up!" She looked to Buzz. "So, Ranger Buzz, any way an' make sure I'm not arrested? Nuncle will kill me if I get arrested." Buzz glared.

"No."

"What about not bein' sent to prison? Besides, I'm not the one who shoot people anor ships, I just makes the kagras deliveries."

"Help us get off?" the Tangean offered. Buzz seemed shocked.

"Deal." Her eyes swept the area. "Where'sa ship?" The Tangean turned to a hill. She thought she saw something move, by a rock.

"Over this-" Something leapt out from behind the rock.

"I got you now, Jo-" Before the Tangean or Buzz could react, she aimed the palm of her organic hand at the small, strange-looking being, and shot an electric pulse from it. The sheer force knocked its body off its legs, exposing several wires. The body crashed into a rock. "…curse you, Joker."

"Ok, I'll get you back to Star Command, on one condition." Buzz sighed.

"What?"

"That thing ain't goin' in **my** ship."

---

_So, after thirteen days, we finally got off that planet. We called ahead and let Star Command know we were safe. Apparently, there will be a party for our return tonight. Mira's thinking about going. I'm not sure, though._

_Booster's doing a bit better. He's recovering, now that we're back. XR just finished being fixed. When I asked him about the 'person who wrote this', an odd look came over his face and he just laughed hysterically before telling me to forget he said that. I doubt he's recovered yet._

_As for the space pirate we captured – well, to use an old cliché, she sang like a canary the second she figured out that jail was still an option. However, there seems to be some controversy, about her. Something involving certain drugs and enhancers – illegal experimentation, I think. I'm a bit worried about how that will end up, but, for now, we're ok._


End file.
